the cara post
thanks to the incomparable mama kat for hosting and creating writers workshop. read, link up, read some more here
we met when we were 12 years old. i was an incredibly chubby new girl from alabama with enough accent to match the frizz in my hair. she was a super cool girl with confidence coming out of her hoop-earring adorned ears. we rode the same bus, lived on the same street. i had somehow won the hearts of a couple equally cool girls, so when i asked her “hey, you wanna go ride bikes or something after school?” she agreed. And that was that. we were forever friends.
over the years we shared every single thing. every secret, even the family stuff that you don’t want anyone in the world to know. she spent about 3 months every friday night hanging in my room doing absolutely nothing while i nursed a hell of a first broken heart. i became a momma bear that i didn’t even know i had in me the first time someone really hurt her, complete with stomping up steps and walking straight into the douchebag’s parents house in the middle of the night to force reckoning. we fought like sisters, but loved like only very best friends in the whole wide world can.
and then i turned 17. and made the worst decision of my life. that particular story is not the point of this post, nor am i exactly ready to write it all out. But i moved away, from her, from my family. i followed a full grown man the way only a stupid teenage girl can. and when it was all said and done, there was no going home. there was no move on like it never happened because it was just a stupid relationship. there were scars and bruises and the need to lay low for as long as it took.
i found out she was pregnant with her first daughter from a payphone in the hallway of a women’s shelter. it was and will always be one of the clearest signs i ever received: life goes on. new life comes. the sun sets and rises.
i chanced a lot for one visit to meet that baby girl. it was so worth it. And then i disappeared for the next 5 years.
every single solitary day of that time, she was in my heart and head. And i was in hers. she sent letters that for my own safety and hers never got delivered. she knew every minute that part of my distance was as much for her safety as mine. i’ve never missed someone like i did then. there were so many many times i literally longed for the love and acceptance that i only could get from her. the shame i felt in letting her down, deserting her will probably never completely go away.
then one day, it was just time. it was time. i wrote the letter and sent it to her mom’s address. our first conversation went something like “hey” “hey” “omg you sound exactly the same” “i love you” “i’ve loved you every day” “did you see friday’s all my children episode?” “i know, right? i so thought of you when i watched that”
and there has barely been a day in the last 6 years that we haven’t spoken.
there are lots of reasons you lose a friendship. opinions, choices, miles, jobs, kids, and sometimes really serious circumstances. but there’s that one, that one that will never go away and will always make you the woman you are. if you’re missing her, and you can…write the letter. make the phone call. say i’m sorry. or talk about project runway. she’s the one that knows all about you and loves you because of it, not in spite of. go sit on a couch together and drink coffee and talk till your cheeks hurt and your heart is full. then tell her you love her every chance you get. however you want to.
Why would you tell me to read this in public…I am in B&N trying not to cry like a big ole’ dork!! You make it sounds so tragically beautiful, which perhaps it was. I remember calling Grawny’s house and leaving long long messages knowing in my heart that you were sitting next to the phone listening. And when Sean asked me if I had ever had my heart broken my answer was ” Yes, because my best friend Alisha is lost right now, but I know that one day she will be back and my heart will heal.”
If you’re reading this and your best friend is lost, then go find her…..
the picture of you reading this in public is EXACTLY why i told you to do it.
Your words leave me speechless. I am so proud of you both, for more reasons than I can speak.
Alisha always remember, for those of us that are speechless – - – speak.
Every chance you get.
Limitless Love,
TheMomma
as crazy as it gets, i had a great model for bff’s.
Thanks for this post. You are so lucky to have a friendship that can withstand any bullshit thrown at it. Also, it reminded me that my best friend, with whom I’ve experienced a distance recently turns 30 today. This post inspired me to call her right now.
thx laura…& really, that’s exactly the response i hoped for. i hope you had a great phone call!
Wow, that was beautiful. And I am so happy for you that you were able to find each other again.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s
thanks so much, kay!
Alisha —
That is the kind of friendship we’re lucky to blessed with if we have one in a lifetime. What good news that you were able to reconnect.
Mari
thx…there’s really no other relationship like it. that’s one of the beautiful things, it’s total uniqueness. you can have a thousand lovers on your way to your mate, but there’s really only one *or 2, for amy’s sake* of those.
<3
back atcha.
Wow what a good post! Brought tears to my eyes! Everyone longs for a true friendship like that!
thank you, rachel!
I love this post. And I’m totally jealous! I moved every 12-18 months of my entire childhood and never had the chance to make any life-long friends. I still keep hoping that I’m not too old to find that special someone!
Thanks for this!
p.s. stopping by from mamakats.
this kind of friendship has no age!!! & def one of the reasons the ‘net is so powerful…you never know when you stumble on a site who that person might be to you!
I’m speechless after reading this. It was so powerful…I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. I’m so happy you both found one another again…and were able to pick up right where you left off. That’s the beauty of a true friendship…no matter what’s happened in the past, when you finally reconnect again, it feels like you’ve just come home.
home…absolutely. that is it exactly!
I have just sat here and read this like 4 times with big ole crocodile tears in my eyes…..Thank you for sharing….although I have a story similar to this….it is not possible to have the same ending….maybe in a different life time….but not this one… but I agree with you….if you have the opportunity to make things right….do so…you never know what tomorrow will bring.
donna…thank you. i was going to say i’m sorry your ending is different, but i’m sorry doesn’t feel right. all endings are different, & i send you all positivity for yours! xo